Friday, May 9, 2008

Keystone Cop(s)

Last Saturday. First "Splash and Dash". 500 meter swim in Tempe Town Lake followed by a 5K. Just to "practice" for my upcoming race this Saturday (tomorrow!?!).

No biggie, right? Frank Lloyd WRONG.
A few helpful/pragmatic tips for tomorrow:

* Do not, under any circumstances, do yoga for the first time in months the day before a race. My arms are still semi-paralyzed. Just trying to calm my pre-race jitters got me arms that were barely functional in the water.

* Do not back into ex-flame Nathan LaDuke while treading water waiting for the starting gun to sound off. This induces a mental state of "WTH?" discombobulation. Plus I looked like a fugly freakazoid peering through my goggles with my swim cap on. Very awkward conversation ensued that I think went something like this: (in my mind)

NL: "Hey! So what are you up to these days?"
Me: "Um, surviving this moment--treading water, talking to you, adrenaline overload, not much. Please get out of here. And you?"
NL: No reply from NL because gun went off and he left me in his wake. Literally in my mouth. Kinda choking-like.

* Do not hyperventilate and wish for a speedy death in water because your breathing is jacked because you're having a full-blown panic attack. Get it together, sister.

* DO Practice shimmying out of wetsuit a few times so you don't waste over 6 minutes and accidentally strip your bike shorts semi-off too.

* Don't forget to actually put on your neatly-laid-out-in-and-ready-to-go sunglasses, visor, and race belt/race number. Squinting during an entire 5K sucks.

* Do NOT cross finish line with victorious relief only to be shuttled back to the race course by head-shaking officials and told to complete ONE more lap.

* Do not wear very-cute-new-runningskirt-from-Target over running shorts to minimize saddlebags. Fabric gets bigger when wet and running while holding skirt up is not good form.

* Do not assume that wild clapping as you approach finish line (for the second time) is for you. It's for the cute bent-over 80-year old woman who passed you right at the finish line in an all-out sprint. I wish I was kidding.

*DO learn from mistakes and gain experience from these things. Experience begets wisdom, no?

*DO be grateful that I have a healthy body and strong legs, hips, lungs, heart, and mind to even be able to run, bike, and swim.

McSilverLining keeps telling me how proud he is that I completed the thing despite my disappointing swim, and reminds me that I could not have done this four months ago.
He's right.


Scott Creasman said...

Good Luck Karen!

Becky said...

yeah, that was funny. I liked that. I was laughing at the grandma- ...hey, how bout not getting the running skirt wet?

GOOD LUCK TOMORROW!!!! I will call ya.

lawtrix said...

So very, very funny.

We're looking forward to cheering you on tomorrow - we'll watch closely to see if you can get out of your wetsuit sans accidental nudity...

karen said...

K Bekz, by nature of getting out of the lake and starting running (I put the running skirt on AFTER I got out of the pool, indeed) the skirt got wet because it was touching my wet bike shorts underneath. I'm cracking up at the thought of my having my skirt on during the swim, but you never know with me. It coulda happened.

[BrookeO] said...

Ok girlfriend. You got tops with me!!! That is so awesome! Just remember nobody ever asks for the details when they hear you just did a triath, mostly they just stand there in the 'holier than thou' up and down bow.

Mostly, I worship you!!!

Nic@Nite said...

You are hilarious! I was laughing so hard at your post! Seriously, hilarious! So how did you do today?

The Ross Family said...

That is so awesome you accomplished that Karen. i'm highly impressed.

Jared and Delia said...

Yay Karen! We are so proud of you. This is an amazing accomplishment.