A Preface: My kids wanted to be on the swim team this year.
Caroline, [age 8], was to be in the 4:45 pm swim team practice slot for 7-8 year olds. Jackson, [age 10], was to be in the 5:30 pm practice slot for 9-10 year olds.
Wouldn't it be swell if I could just get them both in the 5:30pm practice slot so I could just make one trip to the pool every single day?
Yes it would be swell.
Me: "I'd like to enroll my kids in afternoon swim team, please."
Municipal worker at city HQ: "What are their ages?"
Me: "I'd like to enroll them both in the 9-10 year olds time slot."
(not a lie).
Muni lady: "When are their birthdays?"
Remedial math. Do it. Quickly. What would her birthday have to be to make her nine years old? Subtract or add a year to her actual birthdate??
{The blank stare of a dairy cow}.
Me: "11/22/99 and 04/20/99."
Muni lady: "They were both born in the same year?"
[Hoover Dam(n)].
I guess I added when I should have subtracted or subtracted when I should have added?! Why did I have to get the astute lady?
"Jackson is a foster child," I heard myself say.
What?!! Abort!! ABORT!!
Muni lady (warily): "OK then, sign here and it'll be $110.00"
And just like that, I had relegated my pride-and-joy-firstborn-and-only-son to a foster child just to save a ten minute drive to and from the pool every day.
[Factoid]: I loathe begging forgiveness from astute municipal worker ladies.
The next day when I went back in to clear my conscience, she threw me the exaggerated eye roll and did not go for my desperately-trying-to-be-humorous apology.
Apparently lying to (I prefer the term "misleading") the City of Gilbert is a grievous matter, because she then asked to see birth certificates, which luckily I had hauled in with me to prove the actual and factual birthdates of my children, who just want to swim on the dad blasted swim team!
I suppose it serves me right.
[Post edit]: I got them both in the 9-10 year old time slot anyways simply by asking the coaches at swim practice if they could be together.
McNeverTellALie was amused.
As he usually is.